Jesus’ vision for our sexuality
This is my presentation to first-year students at the Bethel School of Ministry earlier this month. My intent was to lay a biblical foundation for sexual identity and behavior among our students.
I’m going to be speaking to you today from the perspective of someone who once was fully invested in queer theory and gay theology. Recall that I attended seminary and gained my Masters in Theology 20 years ago openly lesbian.
Though today I stand here with a completely different perspective, what I am sharing with you is the result of years of grappling. Questioning God. Humbling myself before Him and seeking for truth. The radical perspective shift that I have experienced since I once identified as a lesbian has occasionally been painful and humiliating—one doesn’t make a shift from LGBT thinking easily. I’ve had to really surrender myself as the Lord has corrected me.
My experience of God’s love compels me to seek to pave a new way forward for people who experience LGBT, one that is not constrained by prevailing cultural narratives and that allows full release of the constraints of that identity.
As you can imagine I have a lot of conversations about sexual ethics, particularly as they relate to the LGBT experience. The biblical stance on sexuality may seem obvious to some, but really, there are a lot of stepping off points that trouble people. For example, whether the historical context that forbids homosexual practice is relevant to us today. Sometimes people add in questions of polygamy, treatment of women, or even slavery to make their point. And so, I’ve found it necessary to take a broader look at the Bible to understand the moral issues in question. Doing that brings much clarity.
So, allow me to lay some groundwork…
I recently watched an interesting conversation on YouTube between Sean McDowel and sociologist George Yancey, asking whether Progressive and Conservative Christianity are not only different expressions of faith, but different religions. Their provocative conclusion was ‘yes.’ There is an entirely new religion emerging out of Christianity, much as Buddhism emerged out of Hinduism—a divergence based upon belief about the primary purpose and meaning of life. This new pseudo-Christian faith is moving away from the primacy of Jesus and the function of the Bible. It’s moral foundation is based on social justice.
Many of the conversations I have about the LGBT issue revolve around how one interprets scripture and to what degree we may “bend” it for modern usage. And then, to what degree a person who experiences LGBT may embrace that worldview and Christianity. These notions are reflective of this fracture in Christian faith. And, in my opinion, such debates move further and further from any tether to the sovereignty of God and our created purpose.
All of us here believe the Bible conveys a special revelation of God. We see that it explicitly reveals God and His intent toward creation. And, we observe from scripture that we are created to know, to love and to walk with God, and that Bible shows us the way to do that. Therefore it is special and its teachings sacred.
The Bible describes a sovereign and powerful God, whose excellence, goodness and beauty transcend human capacity. He is moral perfection. He has inspired all that is good and excellent in human relationships.
Jesus came to reveal God to humanity. To correct our misperceptions. He made a way for us to see, experience and commune with God. God Himself is the gift of the gospel. Following His ways, as the Bible describes, enables us to experience fidelity with God. He is our inheritance, that is, He is the most important gift to life.
God is the good news of the gospel.
“_You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” Psalms 16:11 NASB1995
Listen, the purpose of life is to know God, to love and walk with Him. To see Him. We exist for His pleasure—and our experience of His joy over our lives radically impacts us.
Let me say that again, we exist for His pleasure—we were created individually, uniquely, precisely, to bring Him joy and serve His purposes.
Christianity is not simply a philosophy of living and we must be cautious in my opinion as we point people to disciplines to learn certain behaviors without prioritizing God Himself and one’s purpose and intent in His life—not vice versa, His purpose in ours.
Jesus came to draw us into God’s divine scheme for fellowship with Him in which there is fidelity of purpose between us and God. He brought us in. Our enjoyment of life, our healing for example, or our fulfillment, our calling, are all granted so we may bring Him pleasure in our fellowship with Him. So that we may glorify, or gloriously point to, Him. Not vice versa. I think we can get this turned around… as if He is serving our needs or accomplishing something for our success. No.
And you see, in Romans 1 Paul makes it clear that departing from this revelation of God’s centrality to life is the root of a great deal of darkness in the world.
I want to suggest that the further we stray from the knowledge of God and how essential He is to our lives the more chaos and disarray we will experience. Move away from the knowledge of God and we have chaos on all levels, especially human identity, as Paul recounts.
Romans 1:21 (NAS): For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks
But I also want to say that moving toward a greater revelation of God, made possible through Jesus, will rescue us from that. This is important for us all to remember.
The first chapter of Romans points to the spiritual and physical chaos that ensues when we depart from the knowledge of God. Paul claims that not only spiritual life but physical life is impacted when we do. Separated from God we are even able to lose sight of the true purposes of our body when it should in fact point us to God and His ways.
“For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.” Romans 1:20-21 NASB1995
In this passage, Paul uses the example of homosexual behavior not to highlight it as a uniquely bad sin—though in his criticism he shows his cards regarding what he believes is righteous sexual behavior. He uses homosexual behavior as evidence of the chaos that combines both the physical and spiritual realms when we depart from God’s ways. Our bodies being, of course, the most personal and intimate part of our world. So near that we should be able to interpret God’s hand in it.
So, let me say this again. The knowledge of God is what is most needed for our moment. For our generation. It is the central battle in which we all are engaged.
I want to lay a foundation for sexual ethics for you all that depends entirely upon the teachings of Jesus and the way He draws upon the Torah. This is important to me, to us, because Jesus is God. He is the ultimate authority. He came to bring us clarity regarding the character and will of God. He has greater authority than Moses and Paul, the people most of us turn to for guidance on the topic of sexuality.
So, a big stumbling block is the life of walking with Jesus according to His ethical standards. Why would we do that, particularly if we know that He loves us unconditionally?
The underlying question here is, what is sin? Why is God so interested in how we behave and what difference does it make now that Jesus has come?
Bottom line: Because, the ways of God, the behavioral requirements of scripture reveal God. They enable us to know God, that is, to see and walk with Him. And that is the precise road to redemption that Paul articulates in Romans beginning in the first chapter.
Twisting the behavioral demands of Jesus perverts the revelation of God.
Moses says in Exodus 33:13 (NAS): Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight.
Moses’ encounters with God on the mountain led to the greatest revelation of God until Jesus. The gospels, particularly Matthew, make strong connections between Jesus and Moses. The Torah was the revelation of God. It established the nation, the identity of Israel. Jesus universalizes the Torah by making it spiritual, that is, a matter of the heart. He breaks it out of the constraints of national identity so that the whole world may participate in it through Him.
The Old Testament writers recognized that observing the Law was the pathway to communion with God. Ancient Jews believed that living out the commandments was the way they had fellowship and encounter with God. As they did, they were physically and mentally in fidelity with Him. It was a walking encounter with Him through His ways.
Read any of the Proverbs and you will observe that “wisdom” in one’s life correlates with living according to God’s ways. The beginning of wisdom therefore is the knowledge of God. Apart from the knowledge of God and His ways one cannot be “wise.”
Listen to Psalm 119. In fact, please read it all later today and note the writer’s encounter and all his emotions around it. The ecstasy and agony of desiring God in prayer remembering that he is meditating on the Law. So, recognize Jesus’s own life for us as the Torah right here:
“Your testimonies are wonderful; Therefore my soul observes them. The unfolding of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple. I opened my mouth wide and panted, For I longed for Your commandments. Turn to me and be gracious to me, After Your manner with those who love Your name. Establish my footsteps in Your word, And do not let any iniquity have dominion over me. Redeem me from the oppression of man, That I may keep Your precepts. Make Your face shine upon Your servant, And teach me Your statutes. My eyes shed streams of water, Because they do not keep Your law.” Psalms 119:129-136 NASB1995
In the New Covenant, Jesus represents Himself as the Torah. He is the living Word. The Law has become flesh. His personality and character illustrate the Torah. And Jesus invites us into Himself. “God’s Ways” have come to life in Jesus. Therefore we must understand that the behavioral requirements, such as described in the Sermon on the Mount are not arbitrary. They describe Jesus’ own character, His own beautiful personality and His vision for how we can best experience Him.
“Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished.” Matthew 5:17-18 NASB1995
So as we look at Jesus’ teachings, we must first understand Him in them, but then also understand that living as He lived (reflecting the Torah) is the promise He has given us through the Holy Spirit. It was this miracle of heart transformation through the Holy Spirit and Jesus’ ways that captivated Paul and gives us epistles such as Galatians.
The Sermon on the Mount presents to us Jesus’ relational ethic. And this is key for our discussion on sexuality.
Recall the way Jesus responded to leaders, to lepers, to prostitutes, even to His disciples. He sought their welfare and cast vision for a more demanding approach to righteous living than anyone had thought of before. This points us to His sense of value for people. For relationships.
The profundity of His teachings are a window into His own inner life.
Let me say that again. Read Jesus’ teachings and understand that Jesus’ own thought life and worldview are being disclosed. Through His teachings we can begin to comprehend the way He Himself lived and thought. For example, He modeled reconciliation at all cost, He lived a life seeking and being persecuted for His peace. He chooses servanthood and makes it an authoritative way to lead... He desires intimate relationship with others at His own expense. And He makes it clear that He is extending this worldview over His disciples. He was the light of the world that He declares over His disciples in Matthew 5.
As we live according to His ways we may participate in God’s own life and so fulfill the Genesis mandate to reflect, to bear, His image.
Walking out His teachings enable us to make a whole-life commitment to God, not merely mental assent. Therefore we fellowship with Him in unity of action and thought. The Apostles taught that living as Jesus lived was evidence of fellowship with God.
“By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.” 1 John 2:3-6 NASB1995_
I’m trying to say, we cannot experience unity with God by going our own way. We cannot represent God by going our own way.
There is an aspect of human identity that separates us from all other created beings. It cannot be explained by scientific or evolutionary theories. In the Bible it is called the human heart, we might call it the human spirit that God breathed into humanity alone. It is the seat of our creativity, our longing to establish covenants, family, to build nations or businesses and social structures, even universities. But especially it is our morals—the purity of our hearts while we are doing all these things. This is the essence of human dignity. When one says, we are all made in God’s image, it is this spiritual aspect of humanity and how it is intertwined in our physicality that we should be connecting to. And so, our moral view towards sexuality matters because morality is a primary factor in human identity that bears God’s image. Whether we lust, objectify, rape, use or discard others based on personal pleasure... reflects how far we have fallen.
I’m saying all this so that when we speak of matters of sexuality, we are not only saying “do only this. Or, don’t do that” or even “Jesus says nothing about that”. Instead we are looking at the posture of heart required for Jesus’ type of relational commitment.
And also, we can see that Jesus is creating something in our midst, so that the promises of redemption through walking with Him in His ways are for us all. LGBT people are not excluded. God is not diabolical. He has not created some people for redemption and others condemnation. No, the vision Jesus casts through His teachings reveal His intention for all of humanity—an intention that we are all contending for here each time we pray “on earth as in heaven.”
All of us are in need, but are reaching for this redemptive fidelity with God.
As we envision this, let’s reflect on the incarnation.
An important, but rarely referenced point in the conversation around sexuality is the meaning of the incarnation. That is, Jesus was born a man. He came in the flesh and presents to us the beautiful mystery of God’s synergy with our physicality. Our bodies and the way they interface with our soul and spirit are miraculous—miraculous enough to contain the divinity of Christ.
This is incredibly significant because today human identity is being virtualized. I mean, we are divorcing our character and personality from their connection to our bodies. This, I believe, is one success of the feminist movement. A century ago, the weaker sex—referring to women—suggested that a woman’s physical weakness in comparison to men meant that she also was intellectually weaker. I am grateful that the feminist movement has advanced our understanding of what women are capable of in culture. However, it is causing us to assume that men and women are simply interchangeable. That is, there is no meaningful difference between men and women.
Just ask yourself, what is the difference between a man and a woman? We typically try to find answers like, women are more nurturing, or men are protectors. These characteristics however are simply based upon stereotypes. I know plenty of courageous women and equally as many tender-hearted men.
What does it mean to be a man or a woman? It means you have a physically male or female body and that necessarily informs your experience, purpose and role in life among all of humanity.
Our personality cannot be separated from the complex chemistry and physicality of our bodies. Our thinking processes are connected to our physical bodies. We are not just clay pots in which a spirit resides. Confused by that? Just ask a woman who is pms-ing how her personality and thinking shifts as she tracks her menses. Or how high levels of testosterone affect male rage. Our DNA in trillions of cells in our bodies, every nucleated cell in our bodies! reflect our biological sex.
Going further, a woman’s vagina cannot be understood apart from its male penile complement. These are necessarily complimentary. Sexualization of our bodies in denial of this reality causes harm. We are dissociating ourselves from our bodies the more we do. If I dress in men’s clothes, or present a forceful posture in relationship, or change the oil in my motorcycle I can never be masculine. These are all just stereotypes—my perception of what I believe a man is like. Everything I do is feminine. A boy playing with Barbie’s is still a boy.
The conversation around gay marriage reveals this virtualization I am speaking of.
When I am asked what is the difference between a gay marriage and an opposite sex marriage I must always begin with the physical difference between a gay union and a heterosexual union. Otherwise, love is love. Men can be great nurturers and caregivers. Women can be great protectors. Gay marriages offer great safety and even lifelong commitment to many people.
But, they are also consigning the couple to a lifetime of sexual unfilfillment and physical harm. That is, sexual intercourse will still include behaviors that mimic opposite-sex sexual acts. A lifetime of anal intercourse will harm a male body. The anus is fragile in comparison to the vagina, therefore its penetration spreads disease. This is one reason why according to the CDC gay identifying men have higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases. Lesbian couples must resort to lifeless external objects. A lifetime of dildo use, to be crass—love through plastic—is a poor substitute even with deep emotional connection with one’s lesbian spouse. Not to mention the problems of IVF, surrogate parenthood, adoption, greater incidence of STDs and depression, and even a shorter lifespan.
We must glance back at Romans 1 right now in our minds...
So, I’m saying all this to say: Jesus redeems our spirit AND our bodies. He could have simply sent the Holy Spirit. Instead, He came as a man. He has overcome the weaknesses of our bodies—not just mind over matter—though the Torah, as I’ve explained, proposes a pathway that changes one’s mind through one’s actions and vice versa. And this paves the way for the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
And so Jesus speaks plainly about the physical power of lust, a complex whole-body experience of a thought that yields a physical response, and demands we overcome through the power of His grace working in our physical bodies. And, He is pretty serious as we see. Thankfully, He is not a legalist!
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.: Matt. 5:27-30
When it comes to the do’s and don’ts of sexual behavior in Jesus’ teaching there is an overarching theme: we must never, ever objectify one another. That is, we must never use or discard our significant other for the sake of personal gain, personal preference or convenience. Jesus demands that we always have an outward facing heart. That is, we prioritize the other people in our lives.
Jesus accentuates to the extreme the worth of the other person. He didn’t use others to get His needs met. Instead, He met others’ needs. He understood that in lust, adultery and divorce there are victims. And He tells us that we must never be the perpetrator of these for the sake of human dignity. Our love must sustain those around us because we are made in God’s image. And so, we must come to love our neighbor, that is our significant other, as we love ourselves. This self-giving love that prioritizes and protects human dignity is central to His teaching. The kind of love Jesus spoke of was completely self-sacrificing in a fantastic and beautiful way.
One of the most powerful and important teachings of Jesus on our sexuality and sexual identity comes packaged within His discourse on divorce. For Jesus, marriage is the only righteous context for sex, and so for the moment let’s focus there. Jesus has much to say about sex, but let’s narrow our focus.
Jesus uses a question about divorce to give us a huge download about marriage. But, because it is couched in a question around divorce, most people skip it His message on marriage was such a profound and important teaching that all three of the synoptic gospels quote it and it can be traced in the Apostle’s perspectives on marriage. Paul in fact quotes it in 1 Corinthians 7, and then follows through with this relational ethic that I have been speaking of. This teaching was primary. It was significant. And today it is being marginalized by too many people.
Let’s look at it:
“Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all? ” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE (Gen 1:27), and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH ’ (Gen 2:24)? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no person is to separate.” They *said to Him, “Why, then, did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND HER AWAY? (Deut 24)” He *said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples *said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” Matthew 19:3-12 NASB
What is Jesus saying here?
For starters, Jesus is making a point about marriage and not only addressing divorce. This is made clear by the way He answers. Rabbinic discourse would require that He respond according to the passage in question, namely Deuteronomy 24. Instead, He turns to Genesis. This is not what his listeners would have expected.
In terms of the question, He is expanding the dialogue. By pointing to Genesis, Jesus is clarifying more than God’s requirements for divorce. He is broadening the conversation to incorporate the identity of male and female, the nature of their relationship together and the meaning of marriage itself. Here Jesus offers one of His most provocative teachings. Everyone listening has a hard time receiving it.
Put very simply Jesus is saying all sex outside marriage is disallowed. He says here that sex within marriage has a larger purpose than personal fulfillment, therefore one should never divorce. And so, Jesus disallows remarriage, making the first marriage the essential union. In addition, Jesus restricts marriage to only one man and one woman—he’s explicit on the two sexes. Polygamy, which was legal at that time, was therefore disallowed.
There is just absolutely no way that a person can fit into Jesus’ perspective any kind of sex outside of marriage, which he clearly saw as exclusively male/female. Not porn use nor sex during dating—any experience of sex for passing pleasure. He disallows any sexual interaction that does not anchor itself in our biological reality, or in covenant partnership with long term responsibility.
I can just imagine what you are all thinking right now. And I want you to know that is likely very similar to what Jesus’ audience was thinking.
“If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry”
Right about here let’s pause. I think we can all safely agree that we all fall short of this. All of us here have strayed sexually either outright physically or in our hearts. At this point I want you to recall that Jesus Himself establishes justice for our failure to represent God accurately. You are not condemned, Jesus paid a price so that we could be free to begin again and to give ourselves wholeheartedly to His vision of the Kingdom. He has a divine delete button, but let’s not abuse it.
So, before you panic, let’s look at this.
Jesus’ understanding of marriage here is rooted in a notion of human identity that is grounded in the Genesis account of creation. Let’s say He can imagine that creative act. I believe He was actually a witness. Therefore His statement accentuates the miracle of male and female in partnership together (remembering what I have said about our physical complementarity.)
Jesus sees how this pair reflects God together through their creative capacities—including in the conception of life itself. In Jesus’ thinking here, male and female in this life giving reality reflects God’s own character. To protect this, God creates a covenant that binds these two individuals together for life.
This is a covenant that Jesus says cannot be broken. Why? It cannot be broken if it is to adequately represent God’s commitment to humanity.
Jesus is not a legalist, therefore it is important to understand the multi-dimensional aspect of this teaching. It has both spiritual and practical implications. Jesus’ teachings always tighten the Torah requirements, never diminish them. And so, on the one hand He is offering a practical teaching about how one must value one’s spouse that controversially says one must never divorce and if one does, never remarry.
On a different level He is profoundly saying that the way you conduct your sex life and marriage should reflect God Himself—His character and being. This is where it’s important to remember that Jesus is saying that human sexuality points us to our identity as image-bearers of God. Marriage therefore is an icon, a symbol of sorts, that helps us better understand God’s life and ways in relationship to us.
Marriage and family are overarching themes in the Bible. We see all throughout scripture the use of marriage imagery, as well as imagery of betrayal, divorce and adultery to describe God’s interaction with humanity. We don’t have to search out the language of Leviticus or Timothy to disrupt arguments that prohibit same-sex sexuality. How many genealogies are in the Bible? How many miraculous births? There are no celebrated and blessed gay unions, only descriptions of God’s transformative power.
Reflect on all the places in scripture that language of marriage and family is used to point to God’s relationship with humanity and His ways. We can begin with Adam and Eve, but then look at Abraham and the promise of Isaac. God speaks of Himself as cross-generational—the god of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, noting the significance of genealogy to the people of Israel... all the way to Jesus Himself.
Circumcision is a sign of this cross-generational/genetic and therefore sexual covenant with God and family. As we will see, Jesus breaks open the Torah to extend the Messianic promise to all nations. Jesus’ covenant is a matter of the heart, a circumcision of the heart, not a genetic covenant with a specific ethnic group, a physical circumcision.
And by the book of Revelation we see that we are the spotless bride of Christ. The icon or symbol of marriage finds its ultimate end-times fulfillment in our communion with Christ.
And so, the activity of Christian marriage is meant to relay something about God.
In making the consideration as to whether we should marry, foremost in our minds should be whether marriage is the best way we can glorify God. Not whether the sex will be good or whether this is my soulmate, because marriage as a life-long relational commitment that requires great sacrifice and attention. It has the overarching demand of pointing people to God’s nature through the way spouses interact together.
Going back to this passage, Jesus is confronting injustice that had become normalized in His context. Once again, Jesus is criticizing our tendency to objectify and use people for personal gratification only. Jesus hates this idea. To Jesus, we must put others first. Here in Jewish culture only men could divorce, and a type of no-fault divorce was legal. Women were the primary victims of divorce—and once divorced it was hard for her to live. Women were being thrown away by men. Jesus is rallying to the weaker person’s aide.
Jesus is saying that God created men and women to be in harmony together—the ideal of Eden. By pointing to Eden, Jesus is saying that marriage provides the environment in which a man and woman may be fully known and mutually cherished because of the safety of their covenant together before God.
And by looking at Eden, the unblemished Kingdom of God is highlighted. Jesus is completing, in partnership with us, the command to Adam to bring the earth into alignment with His Kingdom. Taking the chaos and bringing order... through our marriages and our families.
Marriage and the family it creates uniquely and powerfully points to God, His creation, and the establishment of His Kingdom. Jesus is speaking of His own commitment to us and His vow of faithfulness to us eternally.
Look at how Paul handles Jesus’ teaching:
“Now to those who have married I give this command, not I but the Lord, that a wife not be separated from her husband,— but if in fact she is separated, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband —and a husband not divorce his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Ephesians 5:31-32 ESV
The most important thing about marriage that I want you to leave with today is how it uniquely portrays God and how we can restore its value to our generation. Remember, my focus is on the knowledge of God.
So...changing focus—
Is sex a right? Let’s pause and reflect because that certainly is the prevailing message of culture. Increasingly any restriction on sexual liberty is considered harmful. But sex according to Jesus’ way prioritizes self-worth, care for the other and responsibility toward its impacts and outcomes. Fitting modern sexuality into this framework will require us to powerfully prioritize the vision Jesus casts for right relationship and lean into developing the kind of personal wholeness in which one can offer ones’ self as a gift to another person — as opposed to drawing on the other person out of personal need or to assuage pain.
This generation must gain a vision of the sacred nature of our bodies and how vital they are to our identity and our representation of God.
These passages about Jesus can be used to hurt a person, but they should be used to gain a sense of awe and wonder at what His redemption gives us—what He is giving us that’s much needed today—safe, cherished, lasting, loving relationship in which to explore and enjoy our sexuality. And we must trust that he is restoring our bodies and bringing wholeness emotionally so that it may be established. This is His kingdom vision that He is inviting us into.
Let’s talk a moment about singleness because it’s possible to spend too much time dwelling on marriage as the focal point of sexuality. Using opposite sex marriage as an argument against LGBT feelings can hurt, because biblical marriage seems so out of reach. It’s right to say sex is given for the marriage union, but be aware that a whole lot has to happen in that person’s life for this to be good news.
Back to singleness, Jesus introduces us to the notion of spiritual family in His teachings. This passage in Matthew 19 gives insight into His own singleness. He is set aside for the kingdom. A eunuch—a much debated reference.
The implication here is that a valid posture for believers is to prioritize relationship with God for the sake of the family of God. This is the vocation of celibacy that Paul writes of, notably in 1 Cor. 7.
Paul writes:
“Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman... Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Corinthians 7:1, 7-9 NASB1995
But singles among us today struggle to find their place within this conversation on sexuality. The majority of singles are not called to the vocation of celibacy, but for whatever reason are unable to marry. I want to propose that Jesus’ perspective on family, namely the notion of spiritual family that He introduces is essential for singles who are navigating sexual ethics. Jesus never married and He had “single” disciples around Him, such as John, Mary, Martha and Lazarus. Like Jesus, Paul was unmarried and encouraged others to be like him. And so we can gather that Jesus promoted this posture of absolute commitment & surrender to God.
And understand, sex is always preserved for marriage.
But Jesus elevated this posture of singleness to spiritual implications. He was single, but He created family.
While He was still speaking to the crowds, behold, His mother and brothers were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. But Jesus replied to the one who was telling Him and said, “Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?” And extending His hand toward His disciples, He said, “Behold: My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother, and sister, and mother.” Matthew 12:46-50 NASB
We see this picture of spiritual family carried forward by all the Apostles. The early church-planting movement gathered in homes to form the family of God, full of fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters. This was a setting where one’s sexuality could be sacred, where the community protected one another and preserved each other’s dignity. It was family that crossed ethnic barriers, genders, generations and nationalities. One could regard another from a different ethnicity as a brother or sister—a close and binding commitment through the construct of family. It cared for widows and orphans. This notion of family unifies Christ’s body. Singleness as modeled by Jesus has a unique responsibility to God Himself, to disciple and nurture the whole body of Christ and to find secure fellowship within it.
The modern notion of family is losing definition, but here among all of us it must become alive and thriving.
Jesus’ vision of safety and security in fellowship together is God’s pattern for family, the way of His kingdom guided ancient Israel’s family values in which family was the primary source of personal identity. When Jesus was alive family was one’s source of meaning and identity. Therefore we can see how provocative His teaching is. Understand that He means the family of God to have ties and commitments to one another that are every bit as binding as our genetic/biological relationships because of the covenant of Christ made through His own blood.
So in closing, let me recap. There’s a lot that I’ve said that you all know. But these are the key takeaways I’d like you to leave with:
1. The greatest crisis today is the lack of the knowledge of God... and that becomes more obvious the more chaotic sexual culture becomes. Regaining an understanding of the significance of God’s ways is vital to restoring the knowledge of God.
2. Jesus does address the problems of sexuality that we are facing today and we need not go further than the gospels to establish a solid sexual ethic for people. in fact, I recommend that along with the emphasis that doing otherwise dismisses the divine authority of Jesus.
3. Jesus’ teaching on sexual ethics sets a very, very high standard of care for one another. He doesn’t make standards for relationships more lenient, He makes them more strict therefore we know there is great significance to our sexuality.
4. We can make natural law arguments, such as same-sex sexual behavior is physically harmful. However, we must also be able to say that opposite sex marriage is right simply because this is what Jesus taught and Jesus is God.
5. And then finally, the first Church — big C — prospered in the midst of cultures that promoted great sexual liberty. Why? I believe it offered real freedom, that is, freedom from objectification, and to use language of today, freedom from sex positive relationships that offered physical gratification without covenant trust. The Church will never have authority against the sexual chaos in our culture until it lives out Jesus’ sexual ethic itself. We can establish a healthy environment by restoring our understanding of family as it applies to protecting one another’s dignity and therefore their sexuality. That is, we must lean into the Great Command and love as Jesus loved.