Sexual ethics in the Gospels
This is a transcript of my presentation made to leaders at the Bethel School of Ministry in Oct. 2021 in Redding, California
I asked to be able to bring a message on this topic here because of the numbers of conversations I’m having, or have had in the last few years, among staff members about sexual ethics—particularly in regards to the LGBTQ issue. Rich has done a great job in teaching us about the key scriptures that address homosexual behavior in the Bible, but many people continue to come to me in confusion over how meaningful those verses are to us when faced with the LGBTQ community. And I have begun offering a perspective that doesn’t single out that issue, but instead brings us a measure closer to what I believe Jesus casts vision for.
The biblical stance on sexuality may seem obvious to some, but really, there are a lot of stepping off points that trouble people. For example, whether the historical context that forbids homosexual practice is relevant to us today. Sometimes people add in questions of polygamy, treatment of women, or even slavery to make their point. And so, I’ve found it necessary to take a broader look at the Bible to understand the moral issues in question. Doing that brings much clarity. So, allow me to lay some groundwork…
I recently watched an interesting conversation on YouTube between Sean McDowel and sociologist George Yancey, asking whether Progressive and Conservative Christianity are Different Faiths. Their provocative conclusion was ‘yes.’ There is an entirely new religion emerging out of Christianity, much as Buddhism emerged out of Hinduism—a divergence based upon belief about the primary purpose and meaning of life. This new pseudo-Christian faith is moving away from the primacy of Jesus and the function of the Bible. It’s moral foundation is based on social justice.
Many of the conversations I have about the LGBTQ issue revolve around how one interprets scripture and to what degree we may “bend” it for modern usage. And then, to what degree a person who experiences LGBT may embrace that worldview and Christianity. These notions are reflective of this fracture in Christian faith. And, in my opinion, such debates move further and further from any tether to the sovereignty of God and our created purpose.
All of us here believe the Bible conveys a special revelation of God. We see that it explicitly reveals God and His intent toward creation. And, we observe from scripture that we are created to know, to love and to walk with God and that Bible shows us the way to do that. Therefore it is special and its teachings sacred.
The Bible describes a sovereign and powerful God, whose excellence, goodness and beauty transcend human capacity. He is moral perfection—all that is good and excellent in human relationships together He has inspired. And He is hard to understand. He does whatever He pleases, sometimes unpredictably but always out of love.
Jesus came to reveal God to humanity. To correct our misperceptions. He made a way for us to see, experience and commune with God. God Himself is the gift of the gospel. Following His ways, as the Bible describes, enables us to experience fidelity with God. He is our inheritance, that is, He is the most important gift to life.
God is the good news of the gospel.
“_You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” Psalms 16:11 NASB1995_
Listen, the purpose of life is to know God, to love and walk with Him. To see Him. We exist for His pleasure—and our experience of His joy over our lives radically impacts us.
Let me say that again, we exist for His pleasure—we were created individually, uniquely, precisely, to bring Him joy and serve His purposes.
Christianity is not simply a philosophy of living and we must be cautious in my opinion as we point people to disciplines to learn certain behaviors without prioritizing God Himself and one’s purpose and intent in His life—not vice versa, His purpose in ours.
Jesus came to draw us into God’s divine scheme for fellowship with Him in which there is fidelity of purpose between us and God. He brought us in. Our enjoyment of life, our healing for example, or our fulfillment, our calling, are all granted so we may bring Him pleasure in our fellowship with Him. So that we may glorify, or gloriously point to, Him. Not vice versa. I think we can get this turned around… as if He is serving our needs or accomplishing something for our success. No.
And you see, in Romans 1 Paul makes it clear that departing from this revelation of God’s centrality to life is the root of a great deal of darkness in the world. I want to suggest that the further we stray from the knowledge of God and how essential He is to our lives the more chaos and disarray we will experience. Move away from the knowledge of God and we have chaos on all levels, especially human identity, as Paul recounts.
For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks. Romans 1:21 (NAS)
But I also want to say that moving toward a greater revelation of God, made possible through Jesus, will rescue us from that. This is important for us all to remember.
The first chapter of Romans points to the spiritual and physical chaos that ensues when we depart from the knowledge of God. He claims that not only spiritual life but physical life is impacted when we do. Separated from God we are even able to lose sight of the true purposes of our bodies when it should in fact point us to God and His ways.
“For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.” Romans 1:20-21 NASB1995
Paul uses the example of homosexual behavior there not to highlight it as a uniquely bad sin—though in this criticism he shows his cards regarding what he believes is righteous sexual behavior. He uses homosexual behavior as evidence of the chaos that combines both the physical and spiritual realms when we depart from God’s ways. Our bodies being, of course, the most personal and intimate part of our world. So near that we should be able to interpret God’s hand in it.
So, let me say this again. The knowledge of God is what is most needed for our moment. For our generation. It is the central battle in which we all are engaged.
I want to lay a foundation for sexual ethics that depends entirely upon the teachings of Jesus and the way He draws upon the Torah. At first this may seem irrelevant to the sex conversation, or perhaps even too obvious, but please bear with me.
So, a big stumbling block is the life of walking with Jesus according to His ethical standards. Why would we do that, particularly if we know that He loves us unconditionally?
The underlying question here is, what is sin? Why is God so interested in how we behave and what difference does it make now that Jesus has come?
Bottom line: Because, the ways of God, the behavioral requirements of scripture reveal God. They enable us to know God, that is, to see and walk with Him. And that is the precise road to redemption that Paul articulates in Romans beginning in the first chapter.
Twisting the behavioral demands of Jesus perverts the revelation of God.
Moses says in Exodus 33:13 (NAS):
Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight.
Moses’ encounters with God on the mountain led to the greatest revelation of God until Jesus. The gospels, particularly Matthew, make strong connections between Jesus and Moses. The Torah was the revelation of God. It established the nation, the identity of Israel. Jesus universalizes the Torah by making it spiritual. He breaks it out of the constraints of national identity so that the whole world may participate in it through Him.
The Old Testament writers recognized that observing the Law was the pathway to communion with God.Ancient Jews believed that living out the commandments was the way they had fellowship and encounter with God. They were physically and mentally in fidelity with Him. It was a walking encounter with Him through His ways.
Listen to Psalm 119. In fact, please read it later today and note the writer’s encounter and all his emotions around it. The ecstasy and agony of desiring God in prayer remembering that he is meditating on the Law. So, recognize Jesus’s own life for us as the Torah right here:
“Your testimonies are wonderful; Therefore my soul observes them. The unfolding of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple. I opened my mouth wide and panted, For I longed for Your commandments. Turn to me and be gracious to me, After Your manner with those who love Your name. Establish my footsteps in Your word, And do not let any iniquity have dominion over me. Redeem me from the oppression of man, That I may keep Your precepts. Make Your face shine upon Your servant, And teach me Your statutes. My eyes shed streams of water, Because they do not keep Your law.” Psalms 119:129-136 NASB1995
In the New Covenant, Jesus represents Himself as the Torah. He is the living Word. The Law has become flesh. His personality and character illustrate the Torah. And He invites us into Him.
Therefore we must understand that the behavioral requirements, such as described in the Sermon on the Mount are not arbitrary. They describe Jesus’ own character, His own beautiful personality and His vision for how we can best experience Him.
““Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished.” Matthew 5:17-18 NASB1995
So as we look at Jesus’ teachings, we must first understand Him in them, but then also understand that living as He lived (reflecting the Torah) is the promise He has given us through the Holy Spirit. It was this miracle of heart transformation through the Holy Spirit and Jesus’ ways that captivated Paul and gives us epistles such as Galatians.
The Sermon on the Mount presents to us Jesus’ relational ethic. And this is key for our discussion on sexuality.
Recall the way Jesus responded to leaders, to lepers, to prostitutes, even to His disciples. He sought their welfare and cast vision for a more demanding approach to righteous living than anyone had thought of before. This points us to His sense of value for people. For relationships.
The profound impossibility of His teachings are a window into His thought life. He modeled reconciliation at all cost, He lived a life seeking and being persecuted for His peace. He desires intimate relationship with others at His own expense. And He makes it clear that He is extending this worldview over His disciples. He was the light of the world that He declares over His disciples in Matthew 5. As we live according to His ways we may participate in God’s own life and so fulfill the Genesis mandate to reflect, to bear, His image.
Walking out the commands enable us to make a whole-life commitment to God, not merely mental assent. Therefore we fellowship with Him in unity of action and thought. The Apostles taught that living as Jesus lived was evidence of fellowship with God.
“By_ this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.” 1 John 2:3-6 NASB1995_
I’m trying to say, we cannot experience unity with God by going our own way. We cannot represent God by going our own way.
There is an aspect of human identity that separates us from all other created beings. It cannot be explained by evolutionary theory. In the Bible it is called the human heart, we might call it the human spirit that God breathed into humanity alone. It is the seat of our creativity, our longing to establish covenants, family, to build nations or businesses and social structures, schools. But especially it is our morals—the purity of our hearts while we are doing all these things. This is the essence of human dignity. When one says, we are all made in God’s image, it is this spiritual aspect of humanity and how it is intertwined in our physical bodies that we should be connecting to. And so, Our moral view towards sexuality matters because morality is a primary factor in human identity that bears God’s image. Whether we lust, objectify, rape, use or discard others based on personal pleasure... reflects how far we have fallen.
I’m saying all this so that when we speak of matters of sexuality, we are not merely saying “do only this. Or, don’t do that” or even “Jesus says nothing about that”. Instead we are looking at the posture of heart required for Jesus’ type of relational commitment.
And also, we can see that Jesus is creating something in our midst, so that the promises of redemption through walking with Him in His ways are for us all. God is not diabolical. He has not created some people for redemption and others condemnation. No, the vision Jesus casts through His teachings reveal His intention for humanity—an intention that we are all contending for here each time we pray “on earth as in heaven.” All of us are in need, but are reaching for this redemptive fidelity with God.
Let’s begin with the incarnation...
An important, but rarely referenced point in the conversation around sexuality is the meaning of the incarnation. This is incredibly significant because today human identity is being virtualized. I mean, we have divorced our character and personality from their connection to our bodies. This, I believe, is one success of the feminist movement. A century ago, the weaker sex—referring to women—suggested that a woman’s physical weakness in comparison to men meant that she also was intellectually weaker. I am grateful that the feminist movement has advanced our understanding of what women are capable of in culture. However, it is causing us to assume that men and women are simply interchangeable. That is, there is no meaningful difference between men and women.
Just ask yourself, what is the difference between a man and a woman? We typically try to find answers like, women are more nurturing, or men are protectors. These ethereal characteristics however are based upon stereotypes. What does it mean to be a man or a woman? It means you have a physically male or female body.
If you think that is meaningless in the realm of personality we must realize that our emotions and our thinking processes are connected to our physical bodies. Just ask a woman who is pms-ing how her personality and thinking shifts. You have heard from Ken and me, or Andre Van Mol that our DNA reveals whether we are male or female and that it is coded in every nucleated cell of our bodies. Trillions of cells are linked to our biological sex. In the face of the transgender conversation, endocrinologists are beginning to explain that our bodies are essentially built around our procreative organs and the system supporting it such as all the hormones that go into pms-ing, but also nurture and protection.
I have said before to you that even if I dress in men’s clothes, or present a forceful posture in relationship, or change the oil on my motorcycle I can never be masculine. These are all just stereotypes. Everything I do is feminine. A boy playing with Barbie’s is still a boy.
The conversation around gay marriage reveals this virtualization I am speaking of. When I am asked what is the difference between a gay marriage and an opposite sex marriage I must always begin with the physical difference between a gay union and a heterosexual union. Otherwise, love is love. Men can be great nurturers and caregivers. Women can be great protectors. Gay marriages offer great safety and even lifelong commitment to many people.
But, they are also consigning the couple to a lifetime of sexual unfilfillment and physical harm. That is, sexual intercourse will still include behaviors that mimic opposite-sex sexual acts. A lifetime of anal intercourse will harm a male body. A lifetime of dildo use etc. is a poor substitute even with deep emotional connection with one’s lesbian spouse. Not to mention the problems of IVF, surrogate parenthood, adoption, greater incidence of STDs and depression, and even a shorter lifespan.
We must glance back at Romans 1 right now in our minds...
So, I’m saying all this to say: Jesus redeemed our spirit AND our bodies. He could have simply sent the Holy Spirit. Instead, He came as a man. He has overcome the weaknesses of our bodies—not just mind over matter—though the Torah, as I’ve explained, proposes a pathway that changes one’s mind through one’s actions and vice versa. And this paves the way for the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
Our bodies, not only our souls, are defiled by sexual sin, but they are also redeemed by Jesus.
And so Jesus speaks plainly about the physical power of lust, a complex whole-body experience, and demands we overcome through the power of His grace working in our physical bodies. And, He is pretty serious as we see. Thankfully, He is not a legalist.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. Matt. 5:27-30
When it comes to the does and don’ts of sexual behavior in Jesus’ teaching their is an overarching theme: we must never, ever objectify one another. That is, we must never use or discard our significant other for the sake of personal gain, personal preference or convenience. Jesus demands that we always have an outward facing heart. That is, we prioritize the other people in our lives.
Jesus accentuates to the extreme the worth of the other person. He didn’t use others to get His needs met. Instead, He met others’ needs.
He understood that in lust, adultery and divorce there are victims. And He tells us that we must never be the perpetrator of these for the sake of human dignity. Our love must sustain those around us because we are made in God’s image.
And so, we must come to love our neighbor, that is our significant other, as we love ourselves. This self-giving love that prioritizes and protects human dignity is central to His teaching. In fact, I believe this standard is the foundation for our belief today that marriage is based on “love” and romance. Jesus gave us loving marriage—not to say that love was not a factor in arranged marriages—however the notion of love being the central factor in the establishment of a marriage covenant surely emerged out of this demand to love. But the kind of love Jesus spoke of was completely self-sacrificing in a fantastic and beautiful way.
I believe our original design, using Pastor Bill’s language, anticipates this kind of love in relationships. That is, we prefer to trust the motives of those who would be our sexual partners. I feel it is unnatural for us to believe that our potential sexual partner is a predator and therefore we must be on guard. This is where I feel culture’s suggestion that consent is the green light to sexual intercourse breaks down. No, according to Jesus’ relational ethic, the two partners must be looking out for what is best for the other—prioritizing the other’s needs above one’s own. Consent doesn’t fit in that structure.
One of the most powerful and important teachings of Jesus on our sexuality and sexual identity comes packaged within His discourse on divorce. Jesus uses a question about divorce to give us a huge download about marriage. But, because it is couched in a question around divorce, most people skip it because, I’ll add here, the problem of divorce is not being looked at adequately among us all. His message on marriage was such a profound and important teaching that all three of the synoptic gospels quote it and it can be traced in the Apostle’s perspectives on marriage. Paul in fact quotes it in 1 Corinthians 7, and then follows through with this relational ethic that I have been speaking of.
Let’s look at it:
“Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all? ”
And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE (Gen 1:27), and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH ’ (Gen 2:24)? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no person is to separate.”
They *said to Him, “Why, then, did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND HER AWAY? (Deut 24)” He *said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
The disciples *said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by people; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who is able to accept this, let him accept it. ”” Matthew 19:3-12 NASB
What is Jesus saying here?
For starters, Jesus is making a point about marriage and not only addressing divorce. This is made clear by the way He answers. Rabbinic discourse would require that He respond according to the passage in question, namely Deuteronomy 24. Instead, He turns to Genesis. This is not what anyone would have expected. In terms of the question, He is no longer offering a direct response.
By pointing to Genesis, Jesus is clarifying more than God’s requirements for divorce.
He is broadening the conversation to incorporate the meaning of marriage itself. Here Jesus offers one of His most provocative teachings. Everyone listening has a hard time receiving it.
Here is what He says. This is God’s opinion:
Sexual union as ordained by God unites a man and woman. Once established, that union between two people cannot be dissolved; He seems to be saying that the impact of sexual intercourse is not merely physical, but also spiritual.
Sexual union establishes a unique family and family line that is regarded as “blood related” and therefore permanent. It cannot be dissolved. Children are forever connected to their parents through DNA.
God defines marriage as the sexual (re)union between one man and one woman who became one “whole” unit together. There is no allowance for multiple sexual partners in a person’s life;
Jesus highlights the number two, pointing specifically to the two sexes; He adds this to the Genesis passage which otherwise only says “they” shall become on flesh.
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 NASB1995
By doing this He also disallows polygyny or polygamy, and therefore serial divorce. That is, He disallows remarriage. According to this discourse only the innocent person may remarry.
The whole point of Jesus’ stance is not to broaden the Torah’s openness to alternative forms of sexuality but rather to narrow or constrain the Torah’s sexual ethic to disallow any sexual union other than a monogamous, lifelong marriage to a person of the opposite sex.
Take a deep breath! Let’s think about this—and remember, Jesus has established that He is not a legalist otherwise many of us would only have one eye or one hand. He’s not handing out punishment here. He is powerfully emphasizing something that is wrong and making sure we don’t miss what is right.
Why would Jesus’ understanding of marriage be so strict? He certainly is saying that marriage should not be taken lightly.
For starters, Jesus is confronting the Pharisees question—when can I get rid of my wife? Jesus is confronting injustice that had become normalized in society. Once again Jesus is criticizing our tendency to objectify and use people for personal gratification only. Jesus hates this idea. To Jesus, we must put others first. Here in Jewish culture only men could divorce, and no fault divorce was legal. Women were the primary victims of divorce—and once divorced it was hard for her to live. Women were being thrown away by men. Jesus is rallying to the weaker person’s aide.
Jesus is saying that God created men and women to be in harmony together—the ideal of Eden. By pointing to Eden, remembering what Pope John Paul called man’s original innocence, Jesus is saying that marriage provides the environment in which a man and woman may be fully known and mutually cherished because of the safety of their covenant together before God.
But also, marriage, as it has been ordained by God in Genesis, is about Him and how He is portrayed to the world. It is part of human identity, which is designed to represent God on earth. We see all throughout scripture the use of marriage imagery, as well as imagery of betrayal, divorce and adultery to describe God’s interaction with humanity.
Marriage and the family it creates uniquely and powerfully points to God, His creation and the establishment of His Kingdom. I’ll let Rich and Dann go deeper on this but just hold this picture in your mind: Jesus is speaking of His own commitment to us and His vow of faithfulness to us eternally.
Here is how Paul handles Jesus’ teaching:
“Now to those who have married I give this command, not I but the Lord, that a wife not be separated from her husband,— but if in fact she is separated, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband —and a husband not divorce his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
““Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Ephesians 5:31-32 ESV
The most important thing about marriage that I want you to leave with today is how it uniquely portrays God and how we can restore its value to our generation. Remember, my focus is on the knowledge of God. 17th century Puritan pastor Richard Baxter, when asked by a young man whether to marry, responded by asking whether he believed that marriage was his best way to glorify God, if so he should. I’m inviting us to cast vision for this sense of purpose in marriage. Otherwise we tend to prioritize the nature of our love interest and how it feels to us today rather than a long term vision for relationship that will enable us to both enjoy and represent God.
Making this simple—not so mystical—here are some powerful ways marriage points us to a better understanding of God:
• through thick and thin, better or for worse, your spouse stands with you
• it offers a physical manifestation of the intimate relationship you have with God. And teaches the dynamics of intimacy
• your spouse is your most trusted other
• the welfare of your spouse is a primary focus of your life
• It models how to respect and honor others, particularly the opposite sex in relationship
• it models relational skills that can withstand conflict and hurt because of love
• it creates belonging and we find identity within it
• Of course, it creates life. This miracle alone is worthy of meditation.
Healthy marriage and family must take priority among us in a fresh way. We must model it for our generation and talk openly about how beautiful it is. And then we must disciple others in it. Literally, we must mentor this generation into healthy sexual relationships. Most of us here were totally on our own in our dating lives and then eventual marriage (if you are married.) Young people today are not capable of that. All of us here will have to take a proactive approach to any budding dating relationship. Guaranteed if there is any kind of sexual brokenness, whether its LGBT related or not, there is a breakdown in the ability to form authentic and safe relationships. So doing that alone could cause a lot of pain.
If we can retake the ground of healthy marriage and family we will regain influence in culture. As Cole Zick says, healthy marriage and family is the 20 year plan that will most influence our culture.
So...
Is sex a right? Let’s pause and reflect because that certainly is the prevailing message of culture. Increasingly any restriction or sexual liberty is considered harmful. But sex according to Jesus’ way prioritizes self-worth, care for the other and responsibility toward its impacts and outcomes.
Fitting sexual brokenness into this framework will require us to powerfully prioritize the vision Jesus casts for right relationship and lean into developing the kind of personal wholeness in which one can offer ones self as a gift to another person — as opposed to drawing on the other person out of personal need or to assuage pain.
This generation is fractured sexually and must gain a vision of the sacred nature of our bodies and how vital they are to our identity and our representation of God.
These passages about Jesus can be used to hurt a person, but they should be used to gain a sense of awe and wonder at what His redemption gives us—what He is giving us that’s much needed today—safe, cherished, lasting, loving relationship in which to explore and enjoy our sexuality. And we must trust that he is restoring our bodies and bringing wholeness emotionally so that it may be established. This is His kingdom vision that He is inviting us into.
Let’s talk a moment about singleness because it’s possible to spend too much time dwelling on marriage as the focal point of sexuality. Take note of that. Using opposite sex marriage as an argument against LGBT feelings can hurt, because biblical marriage seems so out of reach. It’s right to say sex is given for the marriage union, but be aware that a whole lot has to happen in that person’s life for that to be good news.
Back to singleness, Jesus introduces us to the notion of spiritual family in His teachings. This passage in Matthew 19 gives insight into His own singleness. He is set aside for the kingdom. A eunuch—a much debated reference. The implication here is that a valid posture for believers is to prioritize relationship with God for the sake of the family of God. This is the vocation of celibacy that Paul writes of, notably in 1 Cor. 7.
Paul writes:
“Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman... Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Corinthians 7:1, 7-9 NASB1995
But singles among us today struggle to find their place within this conversation on sexuality. The majority of singles are not called to the vocation of celibacy, but for whatever reason are unable to marry. I want to propose that Jesus’ perspective on family, namely the notion of spiritual family that He introduces is essential for singles who are navigating sexual ethics in our congregation.
Jesus never married and He had “single” disciples around Him, such as John, Mary, Martha and Lazarus. Like Jesus, Paul was unmarried and encouraged others to be like him. And so we can gather that Jesus promoted this posture of absolute commitment & surrender to God. And understand, sex is always preserved for marriage.
But Jesus elevated this posture of singleness to spiritual implications. He was single, but He created family.
While He was still speaking to the crowds, behold, His mother and brothers were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. But Jesus replied to the one who was telling Him and said, “Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?” And extending His hand toward His disciples, He said, “Behold: My mother and My brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother, and sister, and mother.” Matthew 12:46-50 NASB
We see this picture of spiritual family carried forward by all the Apostles. The early church planting movement gathered in homes to form the family of God, full of fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters. This was a setting where one’s sexuality could be sacred, where the community protected one another and preserved each other’s dignity. It was family that crossed ethnic barriers, genders, generations and nationalities. It unified His body.
Singleness as modeled by Jesus has a unique responsibility to the family of God, to disciple and nurture the whole body of Christ and to find secure fellowship within it.
When I introduced this notion of family to students in my 2nd year Bible class last spring they were amazed. Believe me when I say that they do not think of their peers as brothers and sisters that they are protecting. As you reference the notion of family in revival groups I think it could be necessary to explain what that is, what are family values within our community, how does dating and sex fit into that scheme among you? Because unfortunately, biblical, biological family is rare today.
So in closing,
Let me recap. There’s a lot that I’ve said that you all know. But these are the key takeaways I’d like you to leave with:
1. The greatest crisis today is the lack of the knowledge of God... and that becomes more obvious the more chaotic sexual culture becomes. Regaining an understanding of the significance of God’s ways is vital to restoring the knowledge of God.
2. Jesus does address the problems of sexuality that we are facing today and we need not go further than the gospels to establish a solid sexual ethic for people. in fact, I recommend that along with the emphasis that doing otherwise dismisses the divine authority of Jesus.
3. Jesus’ teaching on sexual ethics sets a very, very high standard of care for one another. He doesn’t make standards for relationships more lenient, He makes them more strict therefore we know there is great significance to our sexuality.
4. We can make natural law arguments, such as same-sex sexual behavior is physically harmful. However, we must also be able to say that opposite sex marriage is right simply because this is what Jesus taught and Jesus is God.
5. And then finally, the first Church — big C — prospered in the midst of cultures that promoted great sexual liberty. Why? I believe it offered real freedom, that is, freedom from objectification, and to use language of today, freedom from sex positive relationships that offered physical gratification without covenant trust. The Church will never have authority against the sexual chaos in our culture until it lives out Jesus’ sexual ethic itself. We can establish a healthy environment by restoring our understanding of family as it applies to protecting one another’s dignity and therefore their sexuality. That is, we must lean into the Great Command and love as Jesus loved.